When I was in high school I had a group of an amazing group of friends who I thought would constantly have my back but unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. They began to treat me badly, I had confronted one of those girls. After getting nowhere, I walked away, and they all turned against me. I became a “loner”. For a while, I felt so alone and I couldn’t face being in school on my own. Slowly but surely, I began to become comfortable being by myself and today I am going to show you how you can be too.
“ The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely” – C.G Jung
Get To Know Yourself
You need to know yourself before you can even become comfortable being alone. It’s just like you need to be comfortable around people before you get close to them and become friends with them. It’s time to be honest with yourself and go deep into your mind and learn as much as you can. Ask yourself questions like:
- What do I like about myself?
- What makes me happy?
- What do I love to do?
- What hobbies do I enjoy?
- What are things I really want to try?
- What scares me?
- What excites me?
Make sure that you keep a journal or a notebook while you are discovering who you are so you can keep record of all the things you learn to make sure you don’t forget anything. It can be fun to look deep within yourself and truly find what ignites your passion. Passion is a huge part of my life and it’s important to find your passion in life. Every day I am home alone while my partner goes to work and I love to dive into my blogging to get through those hours alone and I never feel lonely!
At the end of the day, all we end up is having ourselves. Many times in life we lose people and end up alone. When we love ourselves we don’t feel so lonely. Now don’t get me wrong loving yourself isn’t all about staying positive and being optimistic all the time but it isn’t it’s about accepting those negative thoughts and working on removing those thoughts throughout the day. You are lying to yourself if this is what you do when you are feeling bad but are bursting with all this fake positivity and optimism hoping it attracts real positivity.
We all have a dark side and it is time to accept that we have negative feelings such as anger, jealousy, depression, anxiety and so much more. Before you can start loving yourself you need to be able to accept those negative emotions.
Loving yourself can be really tough in this day and age where people are always in contact with images of how your body should be, how you makeup should look and whatnot and it can be really hard to see yourself in the way others do. It’s time to get out of your comfort zone because if you don’t love yourself I know for a fact you are staying within it and doing everything in your power to stay within that level of comfort.. It’s all about taking baby steps. How can you do this? Start by writing down a list of things that make you nervous. Reflect on these fears and slowly start to face those fears by doing them. For example, are you afraid of ordering for yourself in a restaurant? Head to a restaurant and order food for yourself. Once you start completing these tasks you will start to believe in yourself more.
Have you wanted to go to a new restaurant that opened up but have no one to go with? Take yourself! I know this can be a scary thought going out to eat alone there are many ways that you can do things alone in public without feeling self-conscious . Have you been wanting something new but haven’t had a good reason to spend that money? Do it. It’s time you do something good and treat yourself to something that will make you happy. Always make yourself a priority. Eat quality food to nourish and help your body to heal, repair and grow, drink plenty of water and just take care of you and what your mind, body and soul needs.
Become Your Own Friend
It can take a lot of time to become comfortable with yourself . We are all filled with doubt and negative thoughts it can be hard to be kind to ourselves. The way we talk to ourselves can be so cruel and vicious. I know from experience how bad we can talk to ourselves but I came across a pin on Pinterest about a year ago that was something along the lines of “ would you speak to your friend the way you speak to yourself?”. It got me thinking a lot about how true that is.
Imagine that your friend came to you upset and you started to call them worthless and useless and whatever other horrible names you call yourself. They would never forgive you and it’s time that you treat yourself as you would a friend. Be kind, caring and sympathetic. What would you say to your friend if they came to you with the problem you are facing? Become your own friend. To do this start by writing down the negative thoughts that you get throughout the day. Then once you have finished writing this negative thought down I would then like you to reply to this negative thought with how you would reply to a friend or loved one if they said those comments about themselves.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, think about everything you have accomplished in life and be proud!
Learn How To Talk To Yourself
We have an inner voice that talks to us every minute of the day. That inner voice is talking to me right now as I write this article. Learning to talk to yourself is really important. It is you. Talk to yourself and enjoy the silence while it lasts. Self-talk has a bad reputation but it is a great way of self explaining and learning because it slows us down which gives us more time to think and actually understand what’s going on. If you feel weird actually talking to yourself then you don’t have to. You can simply start by writing in a journal or diary or even starting up a blog to express your thoughts, emotions and desires. Whenever my head feels likes it’s going to explode with so many thoughts, emotions and ideas I tend to talk about them outloud if I am alone to help me make sense and understand what’s filling up my head.
There are so many times in life where we don’t do something that really interests or intrigues us because no one else seems to be interested in it but that’s okay! Get out and do it whether it’s learning a new language, going to CrossFit (like I just started), starting a blog, reading more, making music or even baking. Does it excite you? Then go ahead and do it. It’s time you do things for yourself and stop caring what other people think of you and your decisions.
It’s time to put YOU first. You don’t need to rely on other people to go and do things that excite you. It’s time that we become comfortable on our own and not feel lonely when we aren’t around familiar faces or people. Since moving to New Zealand I again have become very alone while my partner heads off to work every day but I haven’t been lonely at all. I am comfortable being on my own and you should learn how to do that too!
Let’s enjoy the peace and quiet together by following the steps above.
About The Author…
Anne is from Ireland who is now made a huge move across the world to New Zealand. She is also an assistant at Quiet Nonsense and runs her own blog www.foreverthewanderer.ie with topics including travel, mental health and so much more. Anne dreams of/ is working towards becoming a professional blogger.