Why Standing up for Myself Made Me Lonely

Why Standing up for Myself Made Me Lonely

This is a personal story of how cutting ties with people and standing up for myself created an inner peace, yet a lonelier world.

I  would like to start off by saying that I have no hard feelings toward the people that have come and gone from my life. They have helped me become the person I am today.  

In the cycle of life, people will not always stay your friends. You never know when the last time you hang out with someone will be. Some people are only meant to be in your life to teach you lessons. It’s up to you if you learn from the experiences.

Changing Seasons

leaf, rain drop
Photo Credit: Briggy

It all started in early 2015 when I cut my hair. It may seem minor now, but at that time in my life, it was a huge life decision. My hair had been below my waist for years, and I considered it my best feature. It was my security blanket and making that change sparked something inside me I had never felt before.

In March of that year, I also decided to switch to a plant-based diet.  Before that, I was unhappy, unhealthy, and I knew I really needed to do something different in my life.

I had no clue what I was getting myself into, but after a lot of research and thought, I made the decision to at least try! After a few days, I started to realize I didn’t want to go back. I felt terrific and empowered knowing exactly what food I was putting inside my body.

Standing Up For Myself

Then I started making other changes too. I started saying what I felt even if it wasn’t what my friends were saying. I started standing up for myself and changing who  I was spending my time with. I decided I only want to spend my life with people who believe in me and build me up.

In that process, I inevitably lost friends. I lost quite a few at first. That wasn’t too big of a deal because we weren’t super duper close anyway.

Then I lost the two best friends I had grown up with.  We had sleepovers, went to concerts, went on big adventures over thousands of miles,,  went to every birthday, and we always talked about all the new things we wanted to do together. I never went a  week without seeing them, unless they were on vacation. I never thought I would ever lose them.

Eventually, we had a falling out when it became clear that they didn’t support the future I was planning with my (now) husband. They didn’t even try to get to know him and had formed their bad opinion of him without asking me once what he’s like as a person.  They wanted me to feel sorry for talking about him whenever they didn’t have boyfriends. I knew I was going to marry this man and move far away from everyone.

I had to come to the realization that I would have to choose between keeping my two best friends, who didn’t believe in me or the things I was creating for my new chapter of life or the person who would always support me, love me, and help me achieve my dreams.

I made the painful and uncomfortable decision to confront them about it. I wasn’t planning on just cutting them off, but I would if I felt I had to. One of them seemed somewhat apologetic and wanted to reconcile, however,  as the rift between all of us got bigger, I grew in a separate direction.

The two people that  I always thought would fight over being maid of honor in my wedding just came as guests. A few words and some awkward hugs were exchanged. I never dreamed this would be how our friendship would end, yet less than a week after I was married, I moved to Georgia, and I haven’t seen either of them since.

Although it is a relief and brings a sense of peace, I still lost the two people I thought I’d know for the rest of my life. That’s why it was so heartbreaking that they didn’t  believe in this man I was going to marry and start a family with.

Today, I have a loving husband, the best son in the entire world, and a brand new puppy named Max. We have lived happily together in Texas for nearly two years, yet something was missing.

Photo Credit: Jess Graphic credit: Kayla

Learning How to Start Again

It’s very different living here in Texas, not knowing anyone for more than a few months, or knowing who to trust, or who’s going to stick around for the long haul. Being a mother makes it even more difficult.

I think a lot of adults,  especially mothers, would agree with how hard it can be to make new good friends. We don’t have as much time just to hang out. I can’t just go to the big city whenever I want to because I have this little person now who needs me. I have responsibilities now that people without kids don’t understand.

Most people my age have just graduated from college or are still in college. Many are still living with their parents. My former friends are not even in the same ballpark as I am. We have nothing in common anymore, and now I struggle to find friends I can relate to.

So, yes. I confess I am lonely. For most of my life, I had a lot of friends who I knew I could trust and, at least, people to hang out with. Now I  I can’t seem to find an effective way of meeting new friends.

I think a lot of people are in the same boat, though. It’s not as easy as it was in school. Most of us got along with at least someone in our classes.

Being a stay-at-home mom makes it difficult to meet amazing, supportive, long-term friends, especially after a big move.  However, being a stay-at-home mom does have its perks, for example, I get to stay at home and be with my child all day, and for that I am grateful.

Recently I’ve been making a more significant effort to put myself out there. Instead of staying at home, I take my son to the park nearby. It’s still not easy, because whenever I meet a new mom, and we hit it off, I end up never seeing her again.

That’s how it’s been for two years. It’s hard to believe that it will change, but I have to have faith that I will meet a really great person, and we will be friends forever.

Thanks for reading.


About the Author…

Briggy(Brigetta) Jones is an easy-going, art loving boy mom and dog mom. She loves to make music with her trusty guitar, create art, cook vegan food, and write. She enjoys going to farmers markets and exploring the city of Dallas with her husband. Briggy joined the Quiet Nonsense team to focus her skills and passions into a platform to engage with her readers in a personal way. One day she hopes to have her artwork displayed all over the world.

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